01UndatedWomen are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom windowJosh Stern / quote ↗
02UndatedIf you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are workingJosh Stern / quote ↗
03UndatedThere's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accidentJosh Stern / quote ↗
07UndatedWhen it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive timeJosh Stern / quote ↗
08UndatedMaturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud seasonJosh Stern / quote ↗
09UndatedI started to enjoy the regal sport of cockfighting... but I'm still having trouble getting the hang of windmilling the bayonetJosh Stern / quote ↗
10UndatedI always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fearJosh Stern / quote ↗
11UndatedIt's one thing if your hobby is to put ships inside a bottle, but a deer in the headlights!... That's a real talentJosh Stern / quote ↗
13UndatedBlood is thicker than water, but they still use corn starch as a thickener on cooking showsJosh Stern / quote ↗
15UndatedTreat life as a suicide mission, take on the impossible jobs and attack with the gusto of someone who has nothing to lose.... and when you revel in victory, make like it's a dirty winJosh Stern / quote ↗
18UndatedWhen you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillowJosh Stern / quote ↗
19UndatedCome Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tubJosh Stern / quote ↗
20UndatedIf you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six monthsJosh Stern / quote ↗
22UndatedThe only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certificationJosh Stern / quote ↗
23UndatedDon't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know itJosh Stern / quote ↗
24UndatedSome people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiascoJosh Stern / quote ↗
