01c. 1961 ADWhen your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
02c. 1961 ADThere is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
05c. 1961 ADSometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
06c. 1961 ADHumor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
08c. 1961 ADEveryone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
09c. 1961 ADLaughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
12c. 1961 ADDreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
13c. 1961 ADWhen I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
14c. 1961 ADIt was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
17c. 1961 ADMy theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
18c. 1961 ADMarriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
19c. 1961 ADWhen a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
20c. 1961 ADNo one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
21c. 1961 ADAll of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
22c. 1961 ADI have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
23c. 1961 ADGirls mature faster than boys, cost more to raise, and statistics show that the old saw about girls not knowing about money and figures is a myth. Girls start to outspend boys before puberty—and they manage to maintain this lead until death or an ugly credit manager, whichever comes first. Males are born with a closed fist. Girls are born with the left hand cramped in a position the size of an American Express card. Whenever a girl sees a sign reading, “Sale, Going Out of Business, Liquidation,” saliva begins to form in her mouth, the palms of her hands perspire and the pituitary gland says, “Go, Mama.” In the male, it is quite a different story. He has a gland that follows a muscle from the right arm down to the base of his billfold pocket. It's called “cheap.” Girls can slam a door louder, beg longer, turn tears on and off like a faucet, and invented the term, “You don't trust me.” So much for “sugar and spice and everything nice” and “snips and snails and puppydog tails.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
24c. 1961 ADWe've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
