01c. 1961 ADIf a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
02c. 1961 ADDid you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
03c. 1961 ADDon't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
05c. 1961 ADOne never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
06c. 1961 ADIn Russia, as I sat there day after day wearing headphones, listening to the interpreter struggle to make our words relevant, I wondered if we could establish meaningful rapport with a nation that had never seen raisins dance in dark glasses on TV...never had a garage sale.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
07c. 1961 ADIt goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windowsErma Bombeck / quote ↗
08c. 1961 ADSeize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
09c. 1961 ADThe odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
10c. 1961 ADThanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
12c. 1961 ADYou have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
13c. 1961 ADHave you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
14c. 1961 ADGrandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
15c. 1961 ADThere was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
18c. 1961 ADWe hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
19c. 1961 ADThanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
20c. 1961 ADOne certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country the American dollar will fall like a stone.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
21c. 1961 ADFamily life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put "I love Mom" on the license plate.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
22c. 1961 ADI read one psychologist's theory that said "Never strike a child in your anger." When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
24c. 1961 ADThe family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste coveting one another's desserts hiding shampoo locking each other out of our rooms inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant loving laughing defending and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.Erma Bombeck / quote ↗
