01UndatedAbsence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are notLois Greiman / quote ↗
02UndatedIn 50 years it won't matter if he's handsome, ugly, or dumb as a post, just try to find someone who don't make you want to shove a pitchfork up his nose.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
03UndatedIn this town, a successful marriage is one that lasts longer than ice.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
04UndatedIn the movie business, the ones we call Lucky are usually those idiots who are just too damn stubborn to take no for an answer. Come to think of it, the movie business is kind of like life.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
05UndatedThere isn't much a pan of warm Brownies and a glass of milk will fix. In less it's low grain prices. Or poverty. Or the national debt. I guess there are a few things, but nothing you have to worry about right this minute.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
08UndatedDon't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
10UndatedIn my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
11UndatedSome people say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In actuality, you have to make an incision through his skin, both dermis and epidermis, then carefully sever and separate the sternum. Only upon viewing the exposed thoracic cavity can you reach the heart--if indeed the male of the species actually possesses such an organ.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
13UndatedMaybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
16UndatedIt'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
18UndatedSome men are warriors and some men are weenies. The trick is figuring out which is which.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
19UndatedToday's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
20UndatedMaybe life does suck, Pork Chop, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
21UndatedJust when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
22UndatedThere is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
23UndatedYou lose a couple of pounds and get a guy good and drunk, you could have a hell of a good time even if you are not smart.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
24UndatedGenerally, men are superior in the areas of heavy lifting, where there's a past only by pachyderms and building cranes. Beyond that, I believe any right-thinking thinking will see that women have the indisputable advantage.Lois Greiman / quote ↗
