01UndatedThe secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
02UndatedOutside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
03UndatedI find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
04UndatedWhen you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
05UndatedFrom the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
06UndatedI never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
08UndatedI sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
09UndatedThose are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
10UndatedOne morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
11UndatedIf a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
12UndatedWell, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
13UndatedJust give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
19UndatedIt isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
20UndatedI, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
21UndatedEach morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
22UndatedSome people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
24UndatedA child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.Groucho Marx / quote ↗
