01c. 1978 ADThe whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
03c. 1978 ADThey lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well — you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
04c. 1978 ADI'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
05c. 1978 ADI'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything." Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country … how are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we're all one?Bill Hicks / quote ↗
07c. 1978 ADWe all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
08c. 1978 ADFolks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?Bill Hicks / quote ↗
09c. 1978 ADGo back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again. Here. Here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up. Go back to bed, America. Here is American Gladiators. Here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go, America! You are free to do what we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!Bill Hicks / quote ↗
10c. 1978 ADPeople often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
11c. 1978 ADToday a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
12c. 1978 ADHere is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?Bill Hicks / quote ↗
13c. 1978 ADI'm sorry if any of you are catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're catholicBill Hicks / quote ↗
14c. 1978 ADThe definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortionsBill Hicks / quote ↗
15c. 1978 ADI don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
16c. 1978 ADThe idea of getting a, you know, syringe full of heroin and shooting it in the vein under my cock right now seems like almost a productive act.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
17c. 1978 ADI ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
18c. 1978 ADI was in Nashville, Tennessee last year. After the show I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: 'Hey, whatcha readin' for?' Isn't that the weirdest fuckin' question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR? Well, goddamnit, ya stumped me! Why do I read? Well . . . hmmm...I dunno...I guess I read for a lot of reasons and the main one is so I don't end up being a fuckin' waffle waitress.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
21c. 1978 ADWatching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
22c. 1978 ADBy the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
23c. 1978 ADI just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?Bill Hicks / quote ↗
24c. 1978 ADIf you want to understand a society, take a good look at the drugs it uses. And what can this tell you about American culture? Well, look at the drugs we use. Except for pharmaceutical poison, there are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
