01c. 1978 ADSo I'm over there in England, you know, trying to get news about the [L.A.] riots... and all these Brit people are trying to sympathize with me... 'Oh Bill, crime is horrible. Bill, if it's any consolation crime is horrible here, too.' ...Shutup. This is Hobbitown and I am Bilbo Hicks, Okay? This is a land of fairies and elves. You do not have crime like we have crime, but I appreciate you trying to be, you know, Diplomatic. You gotta see English crime. It's hilarious, you don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article - front page of the paper - one day, in England: 'Yesterday, some Hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shafsbry.' Wooooo... 'The hooligans are loose! The hooligans are loose! What if they become roughians? I would hate to be a dustbin in Shafsbry tonight.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
03c. 1978 ADLet me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
04c. 1978 ADThe best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
05c. 1978 ADYou ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day". Yeah, looks like He rushed itBill Hicks / quote ↗
06c. 1978 ADI'm not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up: 'STRATFORD SUCKS!' Am I supposed to run after these guys? I'd just stand there, you know. They'd back up. 'STRATFORD SUCKS! ...STRATFORD SUCKS!' I'd say, 'I know. I go there. You're wasting gas, man.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
07c. 1978 ADI loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
08c. 1978 ADIt's all about money, not freedom. You think you're free? Try going somewhere without money.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
10c. 1978 ADThere is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
12c. 1978 ADWomen priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
13c. 1978 ADIf you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
14c. 1978 ADI left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
15c. 1978 ADI hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
16c. 1978 ADChildren are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.Bill Hicks / quote ↗
