01UndatedI review what I know once again, confronting the monolith now alien and almost unconnected to me: my marriage.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
02UndatedI know my vision is impaired and cannot be trusted with even the simplest tasks, much less dating. Not that I´ve come within talon distance of a man.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
04UndatedI feel incendiary, a wildfire. My spirit licks at the gates of a very elaborate, customized, and distracting emotional Hades.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
05UndatedI´m just not sending out the right vibe lately. Perhaps the fact that I wear stained sweatpants and free T-shirts is holding me back. I just can´t seem to get back into the intelligent-slut-for-hire outfits that lure men even shoes with laces evade me. Plus my hair is Fran Lebowitz-esque. I think my eyes are getting closer together. I don´t know.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
06UndatedIt had all seemed as inevitable as sunset. Instead it was the beauty of the sun glinting upon the scythe.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
08UndatedNaturally, I do blame Françoise. I blame her for having N in the first place. She was young, she was beautiful, she was married to a doctor, and she was intelligent. She could have abstained from producing her first son. It was wrong on a variety of levels.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
09UndatedAlthough I notice there is never a truly good time to have a nice long chat with one´s mother-in-law, unless you are having an extraordinary life and marriage and your mother-in-law is, say, Maureen Dowd, or Indira Gandhi. Someone of that ilk.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
10UndatedThis does not escape my notice, it is a context. I resent the fact of a context; my social status has shifted and no one is going to acknowldege it, that´s certain. I´m expected to be Brave and Rise Above. I dress for the role; I must look far better now that I did when I was married. I must look pulled together into a nice tight Hermès knot of self-containment. I don´t make the rules; I just do my best to follow them.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
11UndatedThere is that, and there is also the Irreconcilable Differences line. It seems so catchall, so vague. You could say that about anyone, any man and woman at all. Jesus and Mary Magdalene: "Irreconcilable Differences." JFK and Jackie, anyone at all. It´s built into the man-woman thing. What kind of paltry reason is that? "Insanity" is another box to be checked on the divorce petition, the only alternative to "Irreconcilable Differences." I would like to check it.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
12UndatedTo keep myself from harming or calling N and to stave off the rage and despair, I focus on my extraordinary son, drink midrange Chardonnay every night after he is asleep, and make a barrage of late-night mail-order retail purchases placed from the couch. The couch has officially become my second battle station. I am angry and I have credit And I´m all blackened inside; I should wear a pointy witch hat around Larkspur as I go to the bank and drop A off at day care. It would be more honest.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
13UndatedAlready things are changing; it´s starting with small shit but oh it´s starting, the change, the irrevocable, impossible change.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
17UndatedI know one thing about men," Bunny says with finality, leaving the room to check on A. "They never die when you want them to.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
18UndatedHe left a bit too easily and with obvious relief. His feet were swift and sure on the muddy path.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
20UndatedBushwhacked, I examine my hands. Same hands. Rings still there but no longer valid.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
21UndatedI have a new mantra, which I chant softly to myself: "Oh My God Oh My God.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
22UndatedIt´s like watching someone do a triple backflip dismount and land on two feet, solid, arms splayed in the air. I know I could never do it, don´t even know where I would begin to learn, but some people are built for it. He was handcrafted to leave, had practiced on other women since adolescence. I was one of an unnumbered series.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
23UndatedI travel back in time, falling back into what I know for certain, the historical data I cling to in order to not go mad, not assume I made a suicidal and well-informed error in marrying this man.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
24UndatedI am not ready to think of him as either insane or evil, to consider in full how I could love and have a child with such a person. I am not ready to think about anything, except ways in which this may still be averted.Suzanne Finnamore / quote ↗
