01c. 1964 ADWho would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstanding.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
03c. 1964 ADIn America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
04c. 1964 ADScientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
05c. 1964 ADThey say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
06c. 1964 ADSummer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
08c. 1964 ADCan't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
09c. 1964 ADMy guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
10c. 1964 ADForgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
11c. 1964 ADIt's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
12c. 1964 ADI used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that. I found it so inspirational. Why not make myself cooler than I am?Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
13c. 1964 ADThankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
14c. 1964 ADThat's my parenting style - 'Go watch the TV.' I'm one of 11 children, and my mother's parenting style was, 'There's the TV. Go watch it. Mommy's got 10 other people to take care of.'Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
15c. 1964 ADI liked comedy as a kid. When I was a kid, I'd go to sleep to, like, Bill Cosby albums every night. I'd listen to 'Bill Cosby Is A Very Funny Fellow... Right!' and 'Wonderfulness,' which are two of his most famous albums. Then the next night, I'd flip them over, 'cause it was the old stackable turntable.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
16c. 1964 ADIn the media age, everybody was famous for 15 minutes. In the Wikipedia age, everybody can be an expert in five minutes. Special bonus: You can edit your own entry to make yourself seem even smarter.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
17c. 1964 ADI just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
18c. 1964 ADI used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
19c. 1964 ADWe have this idea in our minds that there's this separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics - not just church and state, but it's also there's a separation of religion and politics. But of course there isn't.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
20c. 1964 ADIn order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
21c. 1964 ADCynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the furthest thing from it. Because cynics don't learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness: a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say 'no.' But saying 'yes' begins things. Saying 'yes' is how things grow.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
22c. 1964 ADWhen my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around in a quitter.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
23c. 1964 ADI love being onstage. I love the relationship with the audience. I love the letting go, the sense of discovery, the improvising.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
24c. 1964 ADI wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry.Stephen Colbert / quote ↗
