01UndatedMen are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
02UndatedMy father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
03UndatedThere are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
04UndatedBefore I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
05UndatedI want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
06UndatedI love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
07UndatedStand-up is my favorite thing I've ever done. There's so much independence.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
08UndatedSome women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?Rita Rudner / quote ↗
09UndatedWe've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
10UndatedI was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
11UndatedIt's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
12UndatedI had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
13UndatedI think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
16UndatedMy boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
17UndatedWhenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'Rita Rudner / quote ↗
19UndatedSome people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
