01UndatedI love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
02UndatedSomeday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
03UndatedA good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
04UndatedMen forget everything women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
05UndatedI had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
06UndatedMen who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
07UndatedI love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
08UndatedMen will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night change its diapers and give it a bottle but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
09UndatedMy husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
10UndatedI think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and boughr jewelry.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
11UndatedWhen I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
12UndatedHave children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
13UndatedI burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
14UndatedMen like cars women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
17UndatedHer idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours free Retin-A.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
20UndatedMost men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
21UndatedI wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
23UndatedMost of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
24UndatedAll men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.Rita Rudner / quote ↗
