05UndatedWomen want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
06UndatedCleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
07UndatedWe spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
08UndatedI want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
09UndatedAlways be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
10UndatedMost children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
11UndatedMy recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
12UndatedIt would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
13UndatedMaybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
16UndatedCleaning your house while your children are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
17UndatedIn most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
19UndatedThe reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
20UndatedWhat I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
21UndatedWe spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
22UndatedWhatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
24UndatedMy cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.Phyllis Diller / quote ↗
