The voices / 215 fragments

Lemony Snicket

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01Undated

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night's sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.

Lemony Snicket / quote

02Undated

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

Lemony Snicket / quote

03Undated

I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

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04Undated

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.

Lemony Snicket / quote

05Undated

In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied "I love you back" and not "I love your back" before you continue the conversation.

Lemony Snicket / quote

06Undated

For Beatrice, when we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty.Now I am pretty lonely.

Lemony Snicket / quote

07Undated

People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.

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08Undated

There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.

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09Undated

Friends can make you feel that the world is smaller and less sneaky than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences.

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10Undated

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.

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11Undated

I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.

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12Undated

If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.

Lemony Snicket / quote

13Undated

If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.

Lemony Snicket / quote

14Undated

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!

Lemony Snicket / quote

15Undated

A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.

Lemony Snicket / quote

16Undated

For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.

Lemony Snicket / quote

17Undated

This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.

Lemony Snicket / quote

18Undated

They're book addicts.

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19Undated

Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.

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20Undated

Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something

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21Undated

One of the world's most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because people always answer "a deck of cards" or "Anna Karenina" when the obvious answer is "a well equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.

Lemony Snicket / quote

22Undated

Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.

Lemony Snicket / quote

23Undated

One of the greatest myths in the world - & the phrase 'greatest myths' is just a fancy way of saying 'big fat lies' -- is that troublesome things get less & less troublesome if you do them more & more. People say this myth when they are teaching children to ride bicycles, for instance, as though falling off a bicycle & skinning your knee is less troublesome the fourteenth time you do it than it is the first time. The truth is that troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them, & that you should avoid doing them unless they are absolutely urgent.

Lemony Snicket / quote

24Undated

Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

Lemony Snicket / quote