01UndatedI found it idiotically distressing that a sharp finger whistle could no longer summon them outdoors into a playful twilight. An ancient discovery was now mine to make: to leave is to make nothing less than a mortal action. The suspicion came to me for the fist time that they were figures of my dreaming, like the loved dead: my mother and all these vanished boys. And after Mama's cremation I could not rid myself of the notion that she had been placed in the furnace of memory even when alive and, by extension, that one's dealings with others, ostensibly vital, at a certain point become dealings with the dead.Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗
02UndatedAs I repeatedly went forth with him and began to understand the ignorance and contradictions and language difficulties with which he contended, and the doubtful sources of his information and the seemingly bottomless history and darkness out of which the dishes of New York emerge, the deeper grew my suspicion that his work finally consisted of minting or perpetuating and in any event circulating misconceptions about his subject and in this way adding to the endless perplexity of the world.Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗
03UndatedNo, it was simply that I was uninterested in making, as I saw it, a Xerox of some old emotional state. I was in my mid-thirties, with a marriage more or less behind me. I was no longer vulnerable to curiosity's enormous momentum. I had nothing new to murmur to another on the subject of myself and not the smallest eagerness about being briefed on Danielle's supposedly unique trajectory—a curve described under the action, one could safely guess, of the usual material and maternal and soulful longings, a few thwarting tics of character, and luck good and bad. A life seemed like an old story.Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗
04UndatedWho has the courage to set right those misperceptions that bring us love?Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗
05UndatedPerhaps the relevant truth- and it's one whose existence was apparent to my wife, and I'm sure to much of the world, long before it became apparent to me-is that we all find ourselves in temporal currents and unless you're paying attention you'll discover, often too late, that an undertow of weeks or of years has pulled you deep into trouble.Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗
06Undated...even my work, the largest of the pots and pans I'd placed under my life's leaking ceiling, had become to small to contain my misery.Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗
07UndatedThere was another silence. I felt, above all, tired. Tiredness: if there was a constant symptom of the disease in our lives at this time, it was tiredness. At work we were unflagging; at home the smallest gesture of liveliness was beyond us. Mornings we awoke into a malign weariness that seemed only to have refreshed itself overnight.Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗
08UndatedThe rocking of the boat by the waves was soothing but unknown. The men on the shore were asleep. Not the twelve-year-old, though. He shifted and lay on his back and decided to look up at the sky. What he saw took him by surprise. He was basically a city kid. He had never really seen the night sky for what it is. As he stared up at millions of stars, he was filled with a dread he had never known before.I was just a boy, I said to my wife in a hotel room in Cornwall. I was just a boy on a boat in the universe.Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗
09UndatedI felt shame - I see this clearly, now - at the instinctive recognition in myself of an awful enfeebling fatalism, a sense that the great outcomes were but randomly connected to our endeavors, that life was beyond mending, that love was loss, that nothing worth saying was sayable, that dullness was general, that disintegration was irresistible.Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗
10UndatedLife itself had become disembodied. My family, the spine of my days, had crumbled. I was lost in invertebrate time.Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗
11UndatedSometimes to walk in shaded parts of Manhattan is to be inserted into a Magritte: the street is night while the sky is day.Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗
12Undatedpeople in new york are authorized by convention to snoop around and mentally measure and pass comment on any real estate they're invited to step into.Joseph O'Neill / quote ↗