01c. 1977 ADMedicine, I have reason since to notice more than once, remains an imperfect art.Joan Didion / quote ↗
02c. 1977 ADCarter and Helene still ask questions. I used to ask questions, and I got the answer: nothing. The answer is “nothing.Joan Didion / quote ↗
03c. 1977 ADI remember walking across Sixty-second Street one twilight that first spring, or the second spring, they were all alike for a while. I was late to meet someone but I stopped at Lexington Avenue and bought a peach and stood on the corner eating it and knew that I had come out out of the West and reached the mirage. I could taste the peach and feel the soft air blowing from a subway grating on my legs and I could smell lilac and garbage and expensive perfume and I knew that it would cost something sooner or later—because I did not belong there, did not come from there—but when you are twenty-two or twenty-three, you figure that later you will have a high emotional balance, and be able to pay whatever it costs. I still believed in possibilities then, still had the sense, so peculiar to New York, that something extraordinary would happen any minute, any day, any month.Joan Didion / quote ↗
04c. 1977 ADI would stay in New York, I told him, just six months, and I could see the Brooklyn Bridge from my window. As it turned out the bridge was the Triborough, and I stayed eight years.Joan Didion / quote ↗
05c. 1977 ADInnocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes oneself.Joan Didion / quote ↗
06c. 1977 ADIt was the United States of America in the cold late spring of 1967, and the market was steady and the G.N.P. high and a great many articulate people seemed to have a sense of high social purpose and it might have been a spring of brave hopes and national promise, but it was not, and more and more people had the uneasy apprehension that it was not.Joan Didion / quote ↗
07c. 1977 ADI know what the fear is.The fear is not for what is lost.What is lost is already in the wall.What is lost is already behind the locked doors.The fear is for what is still to be lost.Joan Didion / quote ↗
08c. 1977 ADMy only advantage as a reporter is that I am so physically small, so temperamentally unobtrusive, and so neurotically inarticulate that people tend to forget that my presence runs counter to their best interests. And it always does.Joan Didion / quote ↗
09c. 1977 ADPrivilege" is something else."Privilege" is a judgment."Privilege" is an opinion."Privilege" is an accusation.Joan Didion / quote ↗
10c. 1977 ADTo cure jealousy is to see it for what it is a dissatisfaction with self.Joan Didion / quote ↗
11c. 1977 ADThe willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect springs.Joan Didion / quote ↗
12c. 1977 ADMost of our platitudes notwithstanding self-deception remains the most difficult deception. The tricks that worked on others count for nothing in that very well-lit back alley where one keeps assignations with oneself: no winning smiles will do here no prettily drawn list of good intentions.Joan Didion / quote ↗
13c. 1977 ADTo have that sense of one's intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything.Joan Didion / quote ↗
14c. 1977 ADWhen we start deceiving ourselves into thinking not that we want something or need something not that it is a pragmatic necessity for us to have it but that it is a moral imperative that we have it. Then is when we join the fashionable madmen and then is when the thin whine of hysteria is heard in the land and then is when we are in bad trouble.Joan Didion / quote ↗
15c. 1977 ADWe are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be whether we find them attractive company or not.... We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget.Joan Didion / quote ↗
16c. 1977 ADThere is one last thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.Joan Didion / quote ↗
17c. 1977 ADMost of our platitudes notwithstanding, self-deception remains the most difficult deception. The tricks that work on others count for nothing in that very well-lit back alley where one keeps assignation with oneself: no winning smiles will do here, no prettily drawn lists of good intentions. One shuffles flashily but in vain through one's marked cards- the kindness done for the wrong reason, the apparent triumph which involved no real effort, the seemingly heroic act into which one had been shamed.Joan Didion / quote ↗
18c. 1977 ADTo have that sense of one’s intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything: the ability to discriminate, to love and to remain indifferent. To lack it is to be locked within oneself, paradoxically incapable of either love or indifference. If we do not respect ourselves, we are the one hand forced to despise those who have so few resources as to consort with us, so little perception as to remain blind to our fatal weaknesses. On the other, we are peculiarly in thrall to everyone we see, curiously determined to live out – since our self-image is untenable – their false notion of us. We flatter ourselves by thinking this compulsion to please others an attractive trait: a gist for imaginative empathy, evidence of our willingness to give. Of course I will play Francesca to your Paolo, Helen Keller to anyone’s Annie Sullivan; no expectation is too misplaced, no role too ludicrous. At the mercy of those we cannot but hold in contempt, we play roles doomed to failure before they are begun, each defeat generating fresh despair at the urgency of divining and meeting the next demand made upon us.Joan Didion / quote ↗
19c. 1977 ADThere is a common superstition that “self-respect” is a kind of charm against snakes, something that keeps those who have it locked in some unblighted Eden, out of strange beds, ambivalent conversations, and trouble in general. It does not at all. It has nothing to do with the face of things, but concerns instead a separate peace, a private reconciliation.Joan Didion / quote ↗
20c. 1977 ADThe dismal fact is that self-respect has nothing to do with the approval of others — who are, after all, deceived easily enough; has nothing to do with reputation, which, as Rhett Butler told Scarlett O’Hara, is something people with courage can do without.To do without self-respect, on the other hand, is to be an unwilling audience of one to an interminable documentary that deals with one’s failings, both real and imagined, with fresh footage spliced in for every screening. There’s the glass you broke in anger, there’s the hurt on X’s face; watch now, this next scene, the night Y came back from Houston, see how you muff this one. To live without self-respect is to lie awake some night, beyond the reach of warm milk, the Phenobarbital, and the sleeping hand on the coverlet, counting up the sins of commissions and omission, the trusts betrayed, the promises subtly broken, the gifts irrevocably wasted through sloth or cowardice, or carelessness. However long we postpone it, we eventually lie down alone in that notoriously uncomfortable bed, the one we make ourselves. Whether or not we sleep in it depends, of course, on whether or not we respect ourselves.Joan Didion / quote ↗
21c. 1977 ADTo free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves - there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.Joan Didion / quote ↗
22c. 1977 ADIt kills me when people talk about California hedonism. Anybody who talks about California hedonism has never spent a Christmas in Sacramento.Joan Didion / quote ↗
24c. 1977 ADStrength is one of those things you're supposed to have. You don't feel that you have it at the time you're going through it.Joan Didion / quote ↗