01c. 1977 ADI had only some dim and unformed sense, a sense which struck me now and then, and which I could not explain coherently, that for some years the South and particularly the Gulf Coast had been for America what people were still saying California was, and what California seemed to me not to be: the future, the secret source of malevolent and benevolent energy, the psychic center.Joan Didion / quote ↗
02c. 1977 ADIt occurred to me almost constantly in the South that had I lived there I would have been an eccentric and full of anger, and I wondered what form the anger would have taken. Would I have taken up causes, or would I have simply knifed somebody?Joan Didion / quote ↗
03c. 1977 ADWhen we start deceiving ourselves into thinking not that we want something or need something, not that it is a pragmatic necessity for us to have it, but that it is a moral imperative that we have it, then is when we join the fashionable madmen, and then is when the thin whine of hysteria is heard in the land, and then is when we are in bad trouble. And I suspect we are already there.Joan Didion / quote ↗
04c. 1977 ADThe death of a parent, he wrote, 'despite our preparation, indeed, despite our age, dislodges things deep in us, sets off reactions that surprise us and that may cut free memories and feelings that we had thought gone to ground long ago...Joan Didion / quote ↗
05c. 1977 ADIn theory momentos serve to bring back the moment. In fact they serve only to make clear how inadequately I appreciated the moment when it was here. How inadequately I appreciated the moment when it was here is something else I could never afford to see.Joan Didion / quote ↗
06c. 1977 ADI do not know many people who think they have succeeded as parents. Those who do tend to cite the markers that indicate (their own) status in the world: the Stanford degree....Those of us less inclined to compliment ourselves on our parenting skills, in other words most of us, recite rosaries of our failures, our neglects, our derelictions and delinquencies.Joan Didion / quote ↗
07c. 1977 ADI will not forget the instinctive wisdom of the friend who, every day for those first few weeks, brought me a quart container of scallion-and-ginger congee from Chinatown. Congee I could eat. Congee was all I could eat.Joan Didion / quote ↗
08c. 1977 ADWas there ever in anyone's life span a point free in time, devoid of memory, a point when choice was any more than sum of all the choices gone before?Joan Didion / quote ↗
09c. 1977 ADI put the word "diagnosis" in quotes because I have not yet seen that case in which a "diagnosis" led to a "cure," or in fact to any outcome other than a confirmed, and therefore an enforced, debility.Joan Didion / quote ↗
10c. 1977 ADWe tell ourselves stories in order to live. We live entirely by the impression of a narrative line upon disparate images, the shifting phantasmagoria, which is our actual experience.Joan Didion / quote ↗
11c. 1977 ADIt did not occur to me to call a doctor, because I knew none, and although it did occur to me to call the desk and ask that the air conditioner be turned off, I never called, because I did not know how much to tip whoever might come—was anyone ever so young?Joan Didion / quote ↗
12c. 1977 ADI am a writer. Imagining what someone would say or do comes to me as naturally as breathing.Joan Didion / quote ↗
13c. 1977 AD...the child trying not to appear as a child, of the strenuousness with which she tried to present the face of a convincing adult.Joan Didion / quote ↗
14c. 1977 ADtheir suburbia house in Brentwood" was how she referred to the house when we bought it, a twelve-year-old establishing that it was not her decision, not her taste, a child claiming the distance all children imagine themselves to need.Joan Didion / quote ↗
16c. 1977 ADAs a writer, even as a child, long before what I wrote began to be published, I developed a sense that meaning itself was resident in the rhythms of words and sentences and paragraphs...The way I write is who I am, or have become...Joan Didion / quote ↗
17c. 1977 ADThe impulse to write things down is a peculiarly compulsive one, inexplicable to those who do not share it, useful only accidentally, only secondarily, in the way that any compulsion tries to justify itself. I suppose that it begins or does not begin in the cradle. Although I have felt compelled to write things down since I was five years old, I doubt that my daughter ever will, for she is a singularly blessed and accepting child, delighted with life exactly as life presents itself to her, unafraid to go to sleep and unafraid to wake up. Keepers of private notebooks are a different breed altogether, lonely and resistant rearrangers of things, anxious malcontents, children afflicted apparently at birth with some presentiment of loss.Joan Didion / quote ↗
18c. 1977 ADA doctor to whom I occasionally talk suggest that I have made an inadequate adjustment to aging.Wrong, I want to say.In fact I have made no adjustment whatsoever to aging.In fact I had lived my entire life to date without seriously believing that I would age.Joan Didion / quote ↗
19c. 1977 ADI invent a reason for the Hertz attendant to start the rental car.I am seventy-five years old: this is not the reason I give.Joan Didion / quote ↗
20c. 1977 ADAging and its evidence remain life's most predictable events, yet they also remain matters we prefer to leave unmentioned, unexplored.Joan Didion / quote ↗
21c. 1977 ADMaking judgments on films is in many ways so peculiarly vaporous an occupation that the only question is why, beyond the obvious opportunities for a few lectures fees and a little careerism at a dispiritingly self-limiting level, anyone does it in the first place.Joan Didion / quote ↗
23c. 1977 ADAnd except on a certain kind of winter evening—six-thirty in the Seventies, say, already dark and bitter with a wind off the river, when I would be walking very fast toward a bus and would look in the bright windows of brownstones and see cooks working in clean kitchens and and imagine women lighting candles on the floor above and beautiful children being bathed on the floor above that—except on nights like those, I never felt poor; I had the feeling that if I needed money I could always get it.Joan Didion / quote ↗
24c. 1977 ADI could not count the times during the average day when something would come up that I needed to tell him. This impulse did not end with his death. What ended was the possibility of response.Joan Didion / quote ↗
