01c. 1943 ADDiesel sucked air. "You keep fondling me like that, and I might have to marry you.""I'm not fondling you. I'm looking for the keys!""Could you look a little more gently? You're scaring my boys.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
02c. 1943 ADYou took your clothes off?""You didn't notice?""No! Jeez Louise, I don't even know you.""If you look under the covers, you'll know me better.""I don't want to know you better!""That's a big fib," Diesel said.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
03c. 1943 ADThat's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're looking' to find poloponies.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
04c. 1943 ADHe’s sort of a homeless horse,” I said.“I’m leaving for the airport in two seconds, and I won’t be back for a couple days. You can put the horse in the garage, but I don’t want that horse in my apartment.”“Who would put a horse in an apartment? That’s dumb.”“Where’s the horse staying now?”“My apartment.”“I can always count on you to brighten my day,” Ranger said. And he disconnected.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
05c. 1943 ADI've noticed you only speak ghetto half of the time." - Stephanie"I'm multi-lingual," Rancher said.I followed him to the door, feeling jealous, wishing I knew a second language.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
06c. 1943 ADThat's disappointing," Nick said. "I was hoping to see you in action again. It's kind of sexy in a violent, perverted sort of way.""Gosh, knowing that makes my day complete.""I thought you'd want me to be open about my feelings now that we're married.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
07c. 1943 ADThinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different. --Stephanie PlumJanet Evanovich / quote ↗
08c. 1943 ADStephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this." - MorelliJanet Evanovich / quote ↗
09c. 1943 ADIt's not a nice thing to send a penis to a woman. It's disrespectful.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
10c. 1943 ADYou're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."-Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
11c. 1943 ADThere is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
12c. 1943 ADHe squinted at me. "What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
13c. 1943 ADThe dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled.Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
14c. 1943 ADAren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close." "Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
15c. 1943 ADIf I let her in I'm doomed. It's like inviting a vampire into your house. Once you've invite them in, that's it, you're good as dead!Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
16c. 1943 ADMy father hired you to protect me," Ahmed said, "not to go off chasing men." Grandma leaned forward, keeping her eye on the Taurus. "We think this guy killed Fred." "Who's Fred?" "My uncle," I told him. "He's married to Mabel." "Ah so you're avenging a murder in the family. This is a good thing.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
17c. 1943 ADBesides, there's nobody who is going to watch your back better than me. You know that. And that's why I'm going to be there with you, whenever there is, whenever you ask, and as long as I'm able, he said. It's what fathers do.Most father's don't show up with hand grenades and bowie knives.They should be ashamed of themselves, Jake said.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
18c. 1943 ADRanger cradled my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from my eyes. "The ceremony is over. Can you make it back to the car?"I nodded. "I'm okay now. Am I red and blotchy from crying?""Yes," Ranger said, brushing a kiss across my forehead. "I love you anyway.""There's all kinds of love," I said.Ranger took me by the hand and led me back to the SUV. "This is the kind that doesn't call for a ring. But a condom might come in handy.""That's not love," I told him. "That's lust.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
19c. 1943 ADCalories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
20c. 1943 ADI failed math twice, never fully grasping probability theory. I mean, first off, who cares if you pick a black ball or a white ball out of the bag? And second, if you’re bent over about the color, don’t leave it to chance. Look in the damn bag and pick the color you want.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
21c. 1943 ADAlmost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
22c. 1943 ADI wasn’t a fabulous cook. I didn’t have a boyfriend, much less a husband. And I wasn’t a big financial success. I could live with all those failings as long as I knew that once in a while I looked really hot.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
23c. 1943 ADI got out of the elevator and confronted Mr. Wexler. “Killing is wrong.” “We kill chickens,” Mr. Wexler said. “We kill cows. We kill trees. So big deal, we kill some drug dealers.”It was hard to argue with that kind of logic because I like cows and chickens and trees much better than drug dealers.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
24c. 1943 ADThat’s how you tell what a man’s really made of. It’s one thing for a man to be big and brave and kill a spider. Any man could do that. Trailin’ after a woman when she’s shopping for thongs and push-up bras is a whole other category of man. And then if you want to see how far you can go with it, you ask him to carry one of those little pink bags they give you.Janet Evanovich / quote ↗
