01UndatedCaptain, I'm fairly unique among artificial intelligences. I am FREE.I work for you because I want to. I fly your ship for you because I enjoy it. I am compelled to accept orders only by my conscience.This makes me an equal with the rest of your troops. They aren't hard-wired to obey you, yet they'll follow you to the ends of the Universe.Howard Tayler / quote ↗
02UndatedWhere's your sense of adventure?It died under mysterious circumstances. My sense of self-preservation found the body, but assures me it has an airtight alibi.-Captain Tagon & Captain AndreyasnHoward Tayler / quote ↗
03UndatedMaxim 3: An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective MercenariesHoward Tayler / quote ↗
04UndatedMaxim 29: The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective MercenariesHoward Tayler / quote ↗
06UndatedMaxim 37: There is no "overkill." There is only "open fire" and "reload."-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective MercenariesHoward Tayler / quote ↗
07UndatedSpy' is such a short ugly word. I prefer 'espionage.' Those extra three syllables really say something.Howard Tayler / quote ↗
08UndatedMaxim 11: Everything is air-droppable at least once.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective MercenariesHoward Tayler / quote ↗
09UndatedCaptain, you have heard the charges. How do you plead? Before you answer, you should know that if you plead "guilty" you'll be immediately extradited and U.N.S. law will take over.""Not guilty.""Also, it's not very nice to lie in court.""But it beats extradition.Howard Tayler / quote ↗
10UndatedRight now I've got just two rules to live by.Rule one: don't taunt elephants.Rule two: don't stand next to anybody who taunts elephants.-Sergeant SchlockHoward Tayler / quote ↗
11UndatedThe Tausennigan Ob'enn warlords look like cuddly teddy-bears?""Yes, they do, and they'd cheerfully exterminate your entire race for making that observation!""I guess that explains their rich military history, then.Howard Tayler / quote ↗
12UndatedKevyn, I'm promoting you from Tech Sergeant to Munitions Commander. I want you to take responsibility for all Company weapons.Munitions Commander? Why me?I don't know. Call it "suspicion of extreme competence" on my part.-Captain Tagon & Commander Kevyn AndreyasnHoward Tayler / quote ↗
13UndatedMaxim 8: Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective MercenariesHoward Tayler / quote ↗
14UndatedOh, that's great. That way, when things have quieted down, and we come up for air, or money, or re-supply, we'll get a nice explosive package from him that says "so nice to see you again" in a way that only multi-megaton yields can.Howard Tayler / quote ↗
15UndatedHi. I'm here to enlist.You can't. You aren't human.You see, little fella, we don't do sociological stuff like "interspeciated workplaces." We're a crack company of space mercenaries. We do "hurting people" and "breaking things."Sounds like my kind of fun.-Schlock & Lieutenant Der TrihsHoward Tayler / quote ↗
16UndatedAs long as we only have to lie to the enemy, it's honest enough for me.-Captain TagonHoward Tayler / quote ↗
17UndatedMaxim 36: When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective MercenariesHoward Tayler / quote ↗
18UndatedMaxim 16: Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective MercenariesHoward Tayler / quote ↗
19UndatedWhen the enemy of my enemy is willing to use plasma weapons inside a hotel, I think I can do better than stupid aphorisms, General.-Captain Kevyn AndreyasnHoward Tayler / quote ↗
20UndatedSo you're a fellow mercenary, then.""Does this mean you'll afford me some professional courtesy?""Don't ask for that. All it means is that you might get to face the person who kills you. . . But only if it's convenient.Howard Tayler / quote ↗
21UndatedKevyn, Ennesby tells me you are building a time machine.Actually I'm finished.In one afternoon? Wow... Does it work?After a fashion....I put a whole lot of energy into it, and the next thing I knew it was time for dinner.-Captain Tagon & Commander AndreyasnHoward Tayler / quote ↗
22UndatedEnnesby, get the Serial Peacemaker to the beach for dustoff.""Dustoff? You're going to run away from three guys?""No, I'm going to kill or capture those three guys, and then run away from the Police.Howard Tayler / quote ↗
23UndatedTechnically, you don't pay me.And technically, most of what I do is "think."I...rrr. ummm.And when you get right down to it, I'm better at it than you are.-Ennesby & Captain TagonHoward Tayler / quote ↗
24UndatedYes, but none of them can steal my ship.None of them are smart enough to know that it was the right thing to do at the time.Howard Tayler / quote ↗
