01c. 1972 ADOh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain.America, America, man sheds his waste on thee,And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.George Carlin / quote ↗
02c. 1972 ADIsn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?George Carlin / quote ↗
03c. 1972 ADI read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad somebody in sports got stabbed. I like the idea of it; it's good entertainment. If we're lucky, it'll spread through sports. And show business, too! Wouldn't you like to see a guy jump up on stage and stab some famous singer? Especially a real shitty pop singer? Maybe they'll even start stabbing comedians. Fuck it, I'm ready! I never perform without my can of mace. I have a switchblade knife, too. I'll cut your eye out and go right on telling jokes.George Carlin / quote ↗
05c. 1972 ADConservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.George Carlin / quote ↗
06c. 1972 ADI'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.George Carlin / quote ↗
07c. 1972 ADPeople are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.George Carlin / quote ↗
08c. 1972 ADYou can take and nail two sticks together like they've never been nailed together before and some fool will buy it.George Carlin / quote ↗
09c. 1972 ADTOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out to be another day, but we can't be sure. If it happens, I'll be the first to say so. But, you know what? By that time, it'll be today againGeorge Carlin / quote ↗
10c. 1972 ADSome people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.George Carlin / quote ↗
12c. 1972 ADMost people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.George Carlin / quote ↗
13c. 1972 ADI'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.George Carlin / quote ↗
14c. 1972 ADDeath is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.George Carlin / quote ↗
15c. 1972 ADAt a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.George Carlin / quote ↗
16c. 1972 ADThe other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.George Carlin / quote ↗
20c. 1972 ADFrisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.George Carlin / quote ↗
22c. 1972 ADThere's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.George Carlin / quote ↗
