03c. 1972 ADYou're just another american who is willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick being shoved up your asshole every day... The owners of this country know the truth... it's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it!George Carlin / quote ↗
04c. 1972 ADI think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand; a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.George Carlin / quote ↗
05c. 1972 ADMy advice: just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.George Carlin / quote ↗
07c. 1972 ADSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.George Carlin / quote ↗
08c. 1972 ADMy mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!George Carlin / quote ↗
09c. 1972 ADI went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.George Carlin / quote ↗
12c. 1972 ADYou know what these “God Bless America” people oughta do? They oughta check with that Jesus fellow they’re so crazy about. They’re always talking about “What would Jesus do?” They don’t wanna know so they can do it – they just wanna know so they can tell other people to do it!George Carlin / quote ↗
14c. 1972 ADLife is sacred"? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death! Has been for thousands of years! Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Christians; all taking turns killing each other because God told 'em it was a good idea.George Carlin / quote ↗
15c. 1972 ADAnd although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me.George Carlin / quote ↗
17c. 1972 ADBecause we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of the alphabet.George Carlin / quote ↗
18c. 1972 ADGotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta look my best! Maybe he'll punch me repeatedly in the kidneys and the stomach so it doesn't mark up my face. He's so thoughtful!George Carlin / quote ↗
19c. 1972 ADI had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.George Carlin / quote ↗
20c. 1972 ADI think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committing crimes and then getting on with their lives. What is really needed for public officials who shame themselves is ritual suicide.George Carlin / quote ↗
21c. 1972 ADNothing worse... nothing worse that to be stuck somewhere with some married a-hole and have to listen to him tell you about his f***in' kids... Let me tell ya something, folks... nobody cares about your children, okay?" Nobody cares about your children. I speak for everyone. I've been appointed by the rest of the group to inform you we don't care about your children – that's why they're your children, so you can care about them and we don't have to bother.George Carlin / quote ↗
22c. 1972 ADBoy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? They're all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you're born, you're on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don't want to know about you. They don't want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're fucked.George Carlin / quote ↗
23c. 1972 ADThe larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you've lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that's bigger than you are and that controls you.George Carlin / quote ↗
24c. 1972 ADFuck the drug war. Dropping acid was a profound turning point for me, a seminal experience. I make no apologies for it. More people should do acid. It should be sold over the counter.George Carlin / quote ↗
