The voices / 86 fragments

Ellen DeGeneres

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Archive entries

01Undated

You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.

Ellen DeGeneres / quote

02Undated

It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.

Ellen DeGeneres / quote

03Undated

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

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04Undated

Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.

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05Undated

I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?

Ellen DeGeneres / quote

06Undated

Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:Yes.Yes.No.One time in high school.Three times in my twenties.Rocks no salt.Yes.Four.Never. And how dare you!I will take no further questions.

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07Undated

Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.

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08Undated

If your Birthday is on Christmas day and you're not Jesus, you should start telling people your birthday is on June 9 or something. Just read up on the traits of a Gemini. Suddenly you're a multitasker who loves the color yellow. Because not only do you get stuck with them combo gift, you get the combo song. "We wish you a merry Christmas - and happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas - happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Ye - Birthday, Terry!

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09Undated

It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.

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10Undated

I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.

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11Undated

I guess what I'm trying to say is, there are a lot of self righteous people out there. And if you try to adjust your life to please them - by the way you dress, your sexuality, or the ass faces you like to make - you are just going to go crazy and risk being as unhappy as these self righteous kooks are. So enjoy your life. God gave us our bodies as a gift.(Granted, to some of us it's kind of a gag gift, but that's okay too.) Wear what you want, love who you want, and have fun.

Ellen DeGeneres / quote

12Undated

...if you want to add a little spice to your life, plant some dill. And learn to salsa.

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13Undated

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.

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14Undated

It's a little weird that I'm getting an award for being nice and generous and kind... which is what we're all supposed to do for one another. That's the point of being human. I think that kindness is an innate quality that we all have. We need to see more of it in the world. I want everyone to know that we all really, really love one another. Deep down, we all love one another. We need to get back to that. My wish is that we all try.

Ellen DeGeneres / quote

15Undated

Don't hold onto things, it will only bring you pain.

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16Undated

Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you've never sung before, and you realize you've never sung the right words in that song? You hear them and all of a sudden you say to yourself, 'Life in the Fast Lane?' That's what they're saying right there? You think, 'why have I been singing 'wipe in the vaseline?' how many people have heard me sing 'wipe in the vaseline?' I am an idiot.

Ellen DeGeneres / quote

17Undated

Start thinking positively. You will notice a difference. Instead of "I think I'm a loser," try "I definitely am a loser." Stop being wishy-washy about things! How much more of a loser can you be if you don't even know you are one? Either you are a loser or you are not. Which is it, stupid?

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18Undated

We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter.

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19Undated

Some people believe that to find happiness, you should live each day of your life as if it's your last because that way you will appreciate every single moment you have. Other people believe that you should live each day as if it's your first because then every day can be the beginning of a new journey.

Ellen DeGeneres / quote

20Undated

It must be around forty, when you're "over the hill." I don't even know what that means and why it's a bad thing. When I go hiking and I get over the hill, that means I'm past the hard part and there's a snack in my future. That's a good thing as far as I'm concerned.

Ellen DeGeneres / quote

21Undated

Be kind to one another. Bye, bye.

Ellen DeGeneres / quote

22Undated

When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine.

Ellen DeGeneres / quote

23Undated

When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important. It's hard to understand failure when you're going through it, but in the grand scheme of things it's good to fall down—not because you're drunk and not near stairs.

Ellen DeGeneres / quote

24Undated

There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones?

Ellen DeGeneres / quote