01UndatedAfter a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”“You do have that effect on people.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
02UndatedNever knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirtDarynda Jones / quote ↗
03UndatedMy fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.”I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.” After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?”I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
04UndatedI may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
05UndatedAfter a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
07UndatedI stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
10UndatedInsanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRTDarynda Jones / quote ↗
11UndatedAt first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
12UndatedWant coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning.""Okay. Want coffee?Darynda Jones / quote ↗
13UndatedI do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
14UndatedAmbulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
15UndatedYou called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
16UndatedSorry. i just can't seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn't know what to think, how to act. I'll have a talk with it later. Perhaps get it some counseling.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
17UndatedMy powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.- Charley DavidsonDarynda Jones / quote ↗
18UndatedIn a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. "Do I look dead to you?Darynda Jones / quote ↗
19UndatedGod I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
20UndatedHis gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
21UndatedYou totally need to watch the news.""Can't.""Why?""It's too depressing.""Right, because hanging with dead people isn't.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
22UndatedI was never really certain why he scared the bejesus out of me. Nothing scared me growing up. I’ve been playing with dead people since the day I was born, so it’s good thing, yet the Big Bad scared me. Which brings me to the reason I called.” “Which was to give me nightmares for the rest of my life?” “Oh, no, that’s just a plus. Why was I so scared of him?” “Hon, for one thing he was this powerful, massive, black smokelike being.”“So, you’re saying I’m a racist?Darynda Jones / quote ↗
23UndatedNobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, thatreason alone keeps people from allowing themselves to believe.Darynda Jones / quote ↗
24UndatedWhen life hands you lemons say,"Lemons? What else have you got?"- bumper stickerDarynda Jones / quote ↗
