01c. 1962 ADAsk yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything. 1) Does this need to be said 2) “Does this need to be said by me? 3) Does this need to be said by me now?Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
02c. 1962 ADI think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
03c. 1962 ADI do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
04c. 1962 ADI didn't flee a dictator or swim an ocean to be an American like some do. I just thought long and hard about it.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
05c. 1962 ADHe was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
06c. 1962 ADYou better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why,Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
07c. 1962 ADAt CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
08c. 1962 ADI don’t think being a comedian gives you any fucking insight into what makes people laugh.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
10c. 1962 ADOld people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
12c. 1962 ADI don't think wood was discovered in Britain until the 1970's. That's when I discovered it anyway.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
13c. 1962 ADI was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
15c. 1962 ADIf I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
17c. 1962 ADIf I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
18c. 1962 ADI told her that I didn't want to take any drugs. That I had come here not to take drugs. "Listen," she said, not unkindly, "up until now I would say that ninety-nine percent of all the narcotics you have taken in your life you bought from guys you didn't know, in bathrooms or on street corners, something like that. Correct?"I nodded."Well these guys could have been selling you salt or strychnine. They didn't care. They wanted your money. I don't care about your money, and, unlike your previous suppliers, I went to college to study just the right drugs to give to people like you in order to help you get better. So, bearing all that in mind ... Take the fucking drugs!"I took the drugs.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
19c. 1962 ADFrom this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
20c. 1962 ADThe truth is that Leon, like a lot of those-maybe everyone-who trips on acid, never really came back. he recovered but he was never the same guy again. He had lost something-innocence of hell. Acid presses a little button in your mind that should never be pressedCraig Ferguson / quote ↗
21c. 1962 ADI found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
22c. 1962 ADI love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
23c. 1962 ADAnyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
24c. 1962 ADThose unexpected morality lessons provided by the trip had jolted me into some kind of action. It was time to jettison the past before the present jettisoned me. This was my first veiled attempt at recovery. Although perhaps I was just running away again. I returned to Glasgow, planning to say a final goodbye to Anne and get out of her life, but ended up drinking with buddies in the Chip Bar and never seeing her. I called her instead to say I was moving to London and told her she could have the house and everything else we owned, which wasn't much. I think she was as relieved as I was that I was leaving town for good.Craig Ferguson / quote ↗
