01UndatedA few years back, they jacked David Copperfield in West Palm Beach, for Chrissake. Yes, it's funny: "Yo, empty your pockets," and he pulls out a bunny rabbit. But it's also depressing. If someone who can make himself disappear isn't safe, who is?Colin Quinn / quote ↗
02UndatedThank God for immigrants. They're the only ones who have any personality left. They still allow themselves emotions, judgments, and all those qualities that we are "evolving" past. I don't know what they're saying, but I can tell they're speaking honestly.Colin Quinn / quote ↗
03UndatedA lot of lip service gets paid to being honest, but no one really wants to hear it unless what's being said is the party line.Colin Quinn / quote ↗
04UndatedI think the world honestly would be a much healthier place if instead of trying to find rationalizations for our bad behavior we would just say, "I was an asshole. Sure, there were reasons behind it, but that doesn't matter.Colin Quinn / quote ↗
05UndatedThe races are like America's children. White people are the firstborn, so they were Dad's favorite. Black people are the second kids, the abused ones, so they still hate Dad. Latinos are the third, caught in the middle and always trying to make peace between the other siblings. Asians are the youngest, and get good marks in school, but basically are just trying to keep their heads down and not get involved. And Native Americans are the old uncle who owns a house and everyone else in the family was like, "He's not using that! Let's move in!Colin Quinn / quote ↗
06UndatedEverybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.Colin Quinn / quote ↗
07UndatedFor the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.Colin Quinn / quote ↗
08UndatedYou can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.Colin Quinn / quote ↗
