01UndatedGarcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
03UndatedI’m waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh’s pharmacist writes a book.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
04UndatedDessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
05Undatedas a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government. The game stayed the same: It was always about favors and friends, and who controlled the dough. Party labels were merely a way to keep track of the teams; issues were mostly smoke and vaudeville. Nobody believed in anything except hanging on to power, whatever it took. .....Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
06UndatedPlease don't grow up to be one of those men who lie for the sport of it, and most men do. That's a fact. That's why the world is so messed up, Noah. That's why history books are full of so much heartache, and tragedy. Politicians, dictators, kings, phoney-baloney preachers-most of 'em are men, and most of 'em lie like rugsCarl Hiaasen / quote ↗
07UndatedFrom the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?""First I need a virgin.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
08Undated...Right now there's a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me.""You don't know that.""Yeah, you're right," Stranahan said. "They're probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
10UndatedSunset on the water ought to be a quiet and easy time, but I guess some people can't stand a little silence.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
11UndatedThe classroom fell quiet, a long heavy silence that roared in Roy's ears like a train.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
12UndatedAs far as I'm concerned, the gator that ate T.C. deserves a medal from Crime Stoppers.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
14UndatedMy father's a large man, very strong, but he says fighting is for people who can't win with their brains. He also says there are times when you've got no choice but to defend yourself from common morons.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
15UndatedThat's the thing about being a Labrador retriever - you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation, and never at all by somber worry; every day was a romp. What else could there possibly be to life? Eating was a thrill. Pissing was a treat. Shitting was a joy. And licking your own balls? Bliss. And everywhere you went were gullible humans who patted and hugged and fussed over you.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
16UndatedActually it was the mark of the stupid, which is what you get for sitting under a tree during a thunderstorm.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
18UndatedTo me, the newspaper business was a way to learn about life and how things worked in the real world and how people spoke. You learn all the skills - you learn to listen, you learn to take notes - everything you use later as a novelist was valuable training in the newspaper world. But I always wanted to write novels.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
20UndatedMy books are shelved in different places, depending on the bookstore. Sometimes they can be found in the Mystery section, sometimes in the Humor department, and occasionally even in the Literature aisle, which is somewhat astounding.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
21UndatedHumor can be an incredible lacerating and effective weapon. And that is the way I use it.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
23UndatedNobody with an IQ higher than emergency-room temperature could ever believe that 'death panels' would be appointed to nudge the elderly toward euthanasia. Yet for idle entertainment, it's hard to beat Sarah Palin's ignorant nattering on the subject.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
24UndatedI never laugh or smile when I am writing. When I come home for lunch after writing all morning, my wife says I look like I just came home from a funeral. This is not bragging. This is an illness.Carl Hiaasen / quote ↗
