01c. 1965 ADIt's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
02c. 1965 ADWe all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
03c. 1965 ADthe best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
04c. 1965 ADEveryone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
05c. 1965 ADI've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
06c. 1965 ADI just wish this social institution [religion] wasn't based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isn't true.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
07c. 1965 ADI'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
08c. 1965 ADChristians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
09c. 1965 ADI don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
10c. 1965 ADOne question in my mind, which I hardly dare mention in public, is whether patriotism has, overall, been a force for good or evil in the world. Patriotism is rampant in war and there are some good things about it. Just as self-respect and pride bring out the best in an individual, pride in family, pride in teammates, pride in hometown bring out the best in groups of people. War brings out the kind of pride in country that encourages its citizens in the direction of excellence and it encourages them to be ready to die for it. At no time do people work so well together to achieve the same goal as they do in wartime. Maybe that's enough to make patriotism eligible to be considered a virtue. If only I could get out of my mind the most patriotic people who ever lived, the Nazi Germans.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
11c. 1965 ADDid you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love. Beep.' 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic… speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
12c. 1965 ADYes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!Andy Rooney / quote ↗
15c. 1965 ADIt’s just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
16c. 1965 ADThe 50-50-90 rule: anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
17c. 1965 ADOne of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
18c. 1965 ADThe Christmas tree is a symbol of love, not money. There's a kind of glory to them when they're all lit up that exceeds anything all the money in the world could buy.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
19c. 1965 ADThe best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
21c. 1965 ADFor most of life nothing wonderful happens. If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends then the chances are you're not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job huge amounts of money a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris that person isn't going to be happy much of the time. If on the other hand happiness depends on a good breakfast flowers in the yard a drink or a nap then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
22c. 1965 ADIf you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends then the chances are you're not going to be happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job huge amounts of money a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris that person isn't going to be happy much of the time. If on the other hand happiness depends on a good breakfast flowers in the yard a drink or a nap then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
23c. 1965 ADThe federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
24c. 1965 ADComputers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.Andy Rooney / quote ↗
