proverb · Words worth keeping
He that would the daughter win, Must with the mother first begin.
He that would the daughter win, Must with the mother first begin.
Understand the thought
Meaning in plain English
The saying advises winning a mother’s goodwill when seeking a relationship with her daughter. It treats family approval as useful, but such approval cannot replace the daughter’s own wishes and consent.
Example
Someone meets a partner’s parent and listens to her concerns while leaving decisions about the relationship with the couple.
Deeper explanation and when to use it
Courtship is presented as involving the family as well as the two people directly concerned. Beginning with the mother means establishing goodwill or addressing her concerns before expecting acceptance. A careful modern reading can recognise that relationships often exist within wider networks of care, without treating a daughter as a prize or a parent as the person who grants possession. Family opinions may matter, but the daughter’s judgment remains her own. The useful question is how to communicate respectfully with important people in a partner’s life. The saying does not establish a universal sequence or justify pressure from relatives.
When to use it
Use it to discuss respectful attention to a partner’s family.
Keep in mind
Family approval cannot substitute for individual choice or consent.
An interpretation of the words, not a claim about their earliest origin.
Attribution & collection notes
- Author or tradition
- Traditional
Attribution: traditional - Country attributed
- Not established
A country attribution does not establish the earliest origin. - Historical period
- Date unknown
- Culture
- English