The collection / 53 fragments

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Passages, proverbs, and questions carried across the ages.

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01c. 1956 AD

Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.

Henry Cloud / quote

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02c. 1956 AD

If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part of how they see reality.

Henry Cloud / quote

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03c. 1956 AD

Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly. Praise the developing character in your child as it emerges in active, loving, responsible behavior.

Henry Cloud / quote

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04c. 1956 AD

Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks the rule again, and the parent manages the consequences and empathy that then turn the rule into reality and internal structure for the child.

Henry Cloud / quote

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05c. 1956 AD

Mature, healthy people need other people; they don't isolate themselves...Needing love isn't being immature. Rather, it gives us the energy we need to go out and slay our dragons.

Henry Cloud / quote

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06c. 1956 AD

Setting boundaries isn't an alternative to loving your child. It is a means of loving her.

Henry Cloud / quote

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07c. 1956 AD

Be careful not to give your child the impression that you love her perfect, performing parts more than you do her mediocre, stumbling parts.

Henry Cloud / quote

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08c. 1956 AD

Sometimes we represent our weakness as if it were bad. We don’t think it’s okay to be weak…We have been injured in many ways and our real self houses all of the evidence of those injuries. The pain, the brokenness and the emotional underdevelopment we all possess is part of who we really are.

Henry Cloud / quote

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09c. 1956 AD

Encourage literally came from "in courage." The courage is put "into" you from outside. Our character and abilities grow through internalizing from others what we do not possess in ourselves.

Henry Cloud / quote

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10c. 1956 AD

fruit of passive-aggressive people. These people resist demands by indirect tactics. They will not take responsibility for their own choices; instead, they turn around and blame someone else for making them do it. Or they will agree to do things that they don’t really want to do, and then gripe about the person behind her back.

Henry Cloud / quote

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11c. 1956 AD

When people are vulnerable to control, they feel that they are selfish for deciding what to do with their own property. In reality, deciding for ourselves is the only way we can ever have true love, for then we are giving freely.

Henry Cloud / quote

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12c. 1956 AD

People who own their lives do not feel guilty when they make choices about where they are going. They take other people into consideration, but when they make choices for the wishes of others, they are choosing out of love, not guilt; to advance a good, not to avoid a bad.

Henry Cloud / quote

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13c. 1956 AD

All of your precious resources - time, energy, talent, passion, and money - should only go to the areas of your life or your business that are best, are fixable, and are indespensable. Otherwise, average sets in and [your life] does not become what it was designed to be.

Henry Cloud / quote

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14c. 1956 AD

Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.

Henry Cloud / quote

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15c. 1956 AD

This principle is taught in Scripture: "We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). In other words, we learn to be loving because we are loved. Grace must come from the outside for us to be able to develop it inside. The opposite side of this truth is that we can't love when we aren't loved. And, taking the thinking further, we can't value or treasure our souls when they haven't been valued or treasured.

Henry Cloud / quote

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16c. 1956 AD

When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You don't have to respond, but I'd like something from you. This frees the other person to connect with you freely and without obligation. When we own that our needs are our responsibility we allow others to love us because we have something to offer. Asking is a far cry from demanding. When we demand love, we destroy it.

Henry Cloud / quote

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17c. 1956 AD

Be wary of someone who has never failed, or seem to have no faults... Too good to be true usually is. Perfection hides something.

Henry Cloud / quote

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18c. 1956 AD

It is extremely important to be able to make negative assertions. We must be able to say what is ‘not me’ in order to have a ‘me’. What we like has no meaning unless we know what we don’t like. Our yes has no meaning if we never say no. My chosen profession has no passion if ‘just anyone would do’. Our opinions and thoughts mean very little if there is nothing we disagree with.

Henry Cloud / quote

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19c. 1956 AD

Even with the desire for a better life, we can be reluctant to do the work of boundaries because it will be a war. The battle falls into two categories: outside resistance we get from others and the resistance we get from ourselves.

Henry Cloud / quote

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20c. 1956 AD

If you have never questioned set boundaries, or experienced conflict with your family members, you may not have an adult-to-adult connection with your family. If you have no other “best friends” than your family, you need to take a close look at those relationships. You may be afraid of becoming an autonomous adult.

Henry Cloud / quote

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21c. 1956 AD

Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. They help us to "guard our heart with all diligence." We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside.

Henry Cloud / quote

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22c. 1956 AD

People with a style of denial and blaming are definitely on the list of unsafe people to avoid. 10.

Henry Cloud / quote

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23c. 1956 AD

Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great metaphor for endings.

Henry Cloud / quote

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24c. 1956 AD

In a very real way, ownership is the essence of leadership. When you are 'ridiculously in charge,' then you own whatever happens in a company, school, et cetera.

Henry Cloud / quote

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