The collection / 142 fragments

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Passages, proverbs, and questions carried across the ages.

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142 results · Page 6 of 6Play this collection ▷

01c. 1972 AD

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain.America, America, man sheds his waste on thee,And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.

George Carlin / quote

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02c. 1972 AD

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

George Carlin / quote

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03c. 1972 AD

I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad somebody in sports got stabbed. I like the idea of it; it's good entertainment. If we're lucky, it'll spread through sports. And show business, too! Wouldn't you like to see a guy jump up on stage and stab some famous singer? Especially a real shitty pop singer? Maybe they'll even start stabbing comedians. Fuck it, I'm ready! I never perform without my can of mace. I have a switchblade knife, too. I'll cut your eye out and go right on telling jokes.

George Carlin / quote

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04c. 1972 AD

Sports fans eat shit.

George Carlin / quote

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05c. 1972 AD

Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.

George Carlin / quote

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06c. 1972 AD

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

George Carlin / quote

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07c. 1972 AD

People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.

George Carlin / quote

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08c. 1972 AD

You can take and nail two sticks together like they've never been nailed together before and some fool will buy it.

George Carlin / quote

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09c. 1972 AD

TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out to be another day, but we can't be sure. If it happens, I'll be the first to say so. But, you know what? By that time, it'll be today again

George Carlin / quote

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10c. 1972 AD

Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.

George Carlin / quote

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11c. 1972 AD

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

George Carlin / quote

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12c. 1972 AD

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

George Carlin / quote

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13c. 1972 AD

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

George Carlin / quote

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14c. 1972 AD

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

George Carlin / quote

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15c. 1972 AD

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

George Carlin / quote

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16c. 1972 AD

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

George Carlin / quote

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17c. 1972 AD

Religion is just mind control.

George Carlin / quote

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18c. 1972 AD

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

George Carlin / quote

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19c. 1972 AD

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

George Carlin / quote

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20c. 1972 AD

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

George Carlin / quote

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21c. 1972 AD

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

George Carlin / quote

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22c. 1972 AD

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

George Carlin / quote

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