The collection / 32 fragments

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Passages, proverbs, and questions carried across the ages.

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01c. 1902 AD

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

George Burns / quote

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02c. 1902 AD

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns / quote

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03c. 1902 AD

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

George Burns / quote

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04c. 1902 AD

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

George Burns / quote

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05c. 1902 AD

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.

George Burns / quote

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06c. 1902 AD

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible.

George Burns / quote

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07c. 1902 AD

I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.

George Burns / quote

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08c. 1902 AD

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

George Burns / quote

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09c. 1902 AD

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

George Burns / quote

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10c. 1902 AD

There isn't a thing I can't do now that I didn't do when I was twenty-one...which gives you an idea of how pathetic I was when I was twenty-one. (That's a lie, but I might as well tell you something right here at the beginning of the book. Anytime I can get a laugh I'm not going to let the truth interfere with it.)

George Burns / quote

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11c. 1902 AD

With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.

George Burns / quote

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12c. 1902 AD

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be I always forget to include myself.

George Burns / quote

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13c. 1902 AD

I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

George Burns / quote

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14c. 1902 AD

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

George Burns / quote

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15c. 1902 AD

In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that the rest is easy.

George Burns / quote

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16c. 1902 AD

I look better feel better make love better and I'll tell you something else ... I never lied better.

George Burns / quote

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17c. 1902 AD

Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

George Burns / quote

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18c. 1902 AD

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.

George Burns / quote

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19c. 1902 AD

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

George Burns / quote

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20c. 1902 AD

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

George Burns / quote

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21c. 1902 AD

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

George Burns / quote

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22c. 1902 AD

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

George Burns / quote

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23c. 1902 AD

At my age flowers scare me.

George Burns / quote

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24c. 1902 AD

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

George Burns / quote

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