The collection / 92 fragments

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Passages, proverbs, and questions carried across the ages.

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01Undated

MenThey hail you as their morning starBecause you are the way you are.If you return the sentiment,They'll try to make you different;And once they have you, safe and sound,They want to change you all around.Your moods and ways they put a curse on;They'd make of you another person.They cannot let you go your gait;They influence and educate.They'd alter all that they admired.They make me sick, they make me tired.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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02Undated

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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03Undated

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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04Undated

The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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05Undated

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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06Undated

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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07Undated

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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08Undated

Be you wise and never sad,You will get your lovely lad.Never serious be, nor true,And your wish will come to you--And if that makes you happy, kid,You'll be the first it ever did.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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09Undated

Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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10Undated

And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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11Undated

If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)

Dorothy Parker / quote

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12Undated

But I give you my word, in the entire book there is nothing that cannot be said aloud in mixed company. And there is, also, nothing that makes you a bit the wiser. I wonder--oh, what will you think of me--if those two statements do not verge upon the synonymous.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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13Undated

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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14Undated

The TriflerDeath's the lover that I'd be taking;Wild and fickle and fierce is he.Small's his care if my heart be breaking-Gay young Death would have none of me.Hear them clack of my haste to greet him!No one other my mouth had kissed.I had dressed me in silk to meet him-False young Death would not hold the tryst.Slow's the blood that was quick and stormy,Smooth and cold is the bridal bed;I must wait till he whistles for me-Proud young Death would not turn his head.I must wait till my breast is wilted.I must wait till my back is bowed,I must rock in the corner, jilted-Death went galloping down the road.Gone's my heart with a trifling rover.Fine he was in the game he played-Kissed, and promised, and threw me over,And rode away with a prettier maid.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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15Undated

It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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16Undated

My love runs by like a day in June, And he makes no friends of sorrows. He'll tread his galloping rigadoon In the pathway of the morrows. He'll live his days where the sunbeams start, Nor could storm or wind uproot him. My own dear love, he is all my heart, -- And I wish somebody'd shoot him.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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17Undated

Little WordsWhen you are gone, there is nor bloom nor leaf,Nor singing sea at night, nor silver birds;And I can only stare, and shape my griefIn little words.I cannot conjure loveliness, to drownThe bitter woe that racks my cords apart.The weary pen that sets my sorrow downFeeds at my heart.There is no mercy in the shifting year,No beauty wraps me tenderly about.I turn to little words- so you, my dear,Can spell them out.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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18Undated

I hate writing, I love having written.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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19Undated

There's life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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20Undated

Hold your pen and spare your voice.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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21Undated

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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22Undated

Prince or commoner, tenor or bass,Painter or plumber or never-do-well,Do me a favor and shut your face -Poets alone should kiss and tell.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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23Undated

I don't know," she said. "We used to squabble a lot when we were going together and then engaged and everything, but I thought everything would be so different as soon as you were married. And now I feel so sort of strange and everything. I feel so sort of alone.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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24Undated

I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.

Dorothy Parker / quote

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