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Terry Pratchett

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Archive entries

01Undated

Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.

Terry Pratchett / quote

02Undated

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.

Terry Pratchett / quote

03Undated

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it.

Terry Pratchett / quote

04Undated

HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)

Terry Pratchett / quote

05Undated

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.

Terry Pratchett / quote

06Undated

...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

Terry Pratchett / quote

07Undated

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Terry Pratchett / quote

08Undated

Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?

Terry Pratchett / quote

09Undated

Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.

Terry Pratchett / quote

10Undated

This book was written using 100% recycled words.

Terry Pratchett / quote

11Undated

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

Terry Pratchett / quote

12Undated

In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book.

Terry Pratchett / quote

13Undated

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.

Terry Pratchett / quote

14Undated

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Terry Pratchett / quote

15Undated

My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat.

Terry Pratchett / quote

16Undated

Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.

Terry Pratchett / quote

17Undated

The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind.

Terry Pratchett / quote

18Undated

Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them

Terry Pratchett / quote

19Undated

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Terry Pratchett / quote

20Undated

And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions.

Terry Pratchett / quote

21Undated

I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?

Terry Pratchett / quote

22Undated

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

Terry Pratchett / quote

23Undated

What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head.

Terry Pratchett / quote

24Undated

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.

Terry Pratchett / quote