02c. 1947 ADThere is no living being on earth at this moment except myself. I could walk down the halls, and empty rooms would yawn mockingly at me from every side. God, but life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite the shrill tinsel gaiety of 'parties' with no purpose, despite the false grinning faces we all wear. And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter — they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship — but the loneliness of the soul in it's appalling self-consciousness, is horrible and overpowering.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
03c. 1947 ADPerhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
04c. 1947 ADThen I thought, "No, I broke it myself. I broke it on purpose to pay myself back for being such a heel.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
05c. 1947 ADHe just wanted to see what a girl who was crazy enough to kill herself looked like.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
06c. 1947 ADWhen they asked some old Roman philosopher or other how he wanted to die, he said he would open his veins in a warm bath. I thought it would be easy, lying in the tub and seeing the redness flower from my wrists, flush after flush through the clear water, till I sank to sleep under a surface gaudy of poppies.But when it came right down to it, the sink of my wrist looked so white and defenseless that I couldn't do it. It was as if what I wanted to kill wasn't in that skin or the thin blue pulse that jumped under my thumb, but somewhere else, deeper, more secret, and a whole lot harder to get at.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
07c. 1947 ADI brought the newspaper close up to my eyes to get a better view of George Pollucci's face, spotlighted like a three-quarter moon against a vague background of brick and black sky. I felt he had something important to tell me, and that whatever it was might just be written on his face.But the smudgy crags of George Pollucci's features melted away as I peered at them, and resolved themselves into a regular pattern of dark and light and medium gray dots.The inky black newspaper paragraph didn't tell why Mr Pollucci was on the ledge, or what Sgt Kilmartin did to him when he finally got him in through the window.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
08c. 1947 ADHow we need that security. How we need another soul to cling to, another body to keep us warm. To rest and trust; to give your soul in confidence: I need this. I need someone to pour myself into.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
09c. 1947 ADI also had a dim idea that if I walked the streets of New York by myself all night something of the city's mystery and magnificence might rub off on me at last. But I gave it up.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
10c. 1947 ADI buried my head under the darkness of the pillow and pretended it was night. I couldn't see the point of getting up. I had nothing to look forward to.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
11c. 1947 ADIts snaky acids kiss.It petrifies the will. These are the isolate, slow faults That kill, that kill, that kill.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
12c. 1947 ADI think writers are the most narcissistic people. Well, I musn't say this, I like many of them, a great many of my friends are writers.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
13c. 1947 ADI have done, this year, what I said I would: overcome my fear of facing a blank page day after day, acknowledging myself, in my deepest emotions, a writer, come what may.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
15c. 1947 ADIf only I can find him... the man who will be intelligent, yet physically magnetic and personable. If I can offer that combination, why shouldn't I expect it in a man?Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
16c. 1947 ADMy mother said the cure for thinking too much about yourself was helping somebody who was worse off than you.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
18c. 1947 ADMrs Guinea answered my letter and invited me to lunch at her home. That was where I saw my first finger-bowl.The water had a few cherry blossoms floating in it, and I thought it must be some clear sort of Japanese after-dinner soup and ate every bit of it, including the crisp little blossoms. Mrs Guinea never said anything, and it was only much later, when I told a debutant I knew at college about dinner, that I learned what I had done.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
19c. 1947 ADI'm not sure why it is, but I love food more than just about anything else.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
20c. 1947 ADI don't know what I ate, but I felt immensely better after the first mouthful. It occurred to me that my vision of the fig-tree and all the fat figs that withered and fell to the earth might well have arisen from the profound void of an empty stomach.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
22c. 1947 ADThe silence between us was so profound I thought part of it must be my fault.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
23c. 1947 ADSometimes I feel like I’m not solid. I’m hollow. There’s nothing behind my eyes. I’m a negative of a person. All I want is blackness, blackness and silence.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
24c. 1947 ADPerhaps some day I'll crawl back home, beaten, defeated. But not as long as I can make stories out of my heartbreak, beauty out of sorrow.Sylvia Plath / quote ↗
