01c. 1955 ADThere was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.Steven Wright / quote ↗
03c. 1955 ADMy roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.Steven Wright / quote ↗
04c. 1955 ADWhen I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.Steven Wright / quote ↗
06c. 1955 ADI've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It's absolutely in conflict with what I do. But once I deliver the first joke I'm okay. It's like I'm out there all by myself just delivering my lines to nobody in particular without ever trying to notice the audience in front of me.Steven Wright / quote ↗
08c. 1955 ADI remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'Steven Wright / quote ↗
09c. 1955 ADI kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.Steven Wright / quote ↗
10c. 1955 ADFor my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.Steven Wright / quote ↗
12c. 1955 ADI don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.Steven Wright / quote ↗
13c. 1955 ADWhen I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'Steven Wright / quote ↗
14c. 1955 ADWhen I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel.Steven Wright / quote ↗
15c. 1955 ADI just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.Steven Wright / quote ↗
16c. 1955 ADI feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.Steven Wright / quote ↗
17c. 1955 ADPeople may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.Steven Wright / quote ↗
18c. 1955 ADI paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.Steven Wright / quote ↗
19c. 1955 ADI like to talk about lint and coasters, the expansion of the universe and maybe McDonald's. I'm completely turned off by the idea of politics.Steven Wright / quote ↗
20c. 1955 ADI don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.Steven Wright / quote ↗
21c. 1955 ADI went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'Steven Wright / quote ↗
23c. 1955 ADI play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.Steven Wright / quote ↗
24c. 1955 ADI had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.Steven Wright / quote ↗
