01UndatedTo keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
03UndatedSome pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
04UndatedHiggledy piggledy, my black hen,She lays eggs for gentlemen.Gentlemen come every dayTo count what my black hen doth lay.If perchance she lays too many,They fine my hen a pretty penny;If perchance she fails to lay,The gentlemen a bonus pay.Mumbledy pumbledy, my red cow,She’s cooperating now.At first she didn’t understandThat milk production must be planned;She didn’t understand at firstShe either had to plan or burst,But now the government reportsShe’s giving pints instead of quarts.Fiddle de dee, my next-door neighbors,They are giggling at their labors.First they plant the tiny seed,Then they water, then they weed,Then they hoe and prune and lop,They they raise a record crop,Then they laugh their sides asunder,And plow the whole caboodle under.Abracadabra, thus we learnThe more you create, the less you earn.The less you earn, the more you’re given,The less you lead, the more you’re driven,The more destroyed, the more they feed,The more you pay, the more they need,The more you earn, the less you keep,And now I lay me down to sleep.I pray the Lord my soul to takeIf the tax-collector hasn’t got it before I wake.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
05UndatedHow do I feel today? I feel as unfit as an unfiddle,And it is the result of a certain turbulence in the mind and an uncertain burbulence in the middle.What was it, anyway, that angry thing that flew at me?I am unused to banshees crying Boo at me.Your wife can’t be a banshee—Or can she?Ogden Nash / quote ↗
06UndatedWhich the Chicken and Which the Egg?He drinks because she scolds, he thinks;She thinks she scolds because he drinks;And nether will admit what's true,That he's a sot and she's a shrew.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
07UndatedA family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
08UndatedIf you don’t want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
09UndatedEverybody who has a baby thinks everybody who hasn't a baby ought to have a baby,Which accounts for the success of such plays as the Irish Rose of Abie,The idea apparently being that just by being fruitfulYou are doing something beautiful,Which if it is trueMeans that the common housefly is several million times more beautiful than me or you.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
11UndatedTo keep your marriage brimming,With love in the loving cup,Whenever you're wrong, admit it;Whenever you're right, shut up."~Happy birthday Ogden Nash! (born 8.19.1902)Ogden Nash / quote ↗
12UndatedCertainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
14UndatedHe who has never tasted jail Lives well within the legal pale, While he who's served a heavy sentence Renews the racket, not repentance.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
16UndatedWere it not for frustration and humiliationI suppose the human race would get ideas above its station.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
21UndatedMiddle age: when you're sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
22UndatedSenescence begins And middle age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends.Ogden Nash / quote ↗
24UndatedMiddle age is when you have met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else and usually is.Ogden Nash / quote ↗