03UndatedThe sky's gone blue: azure, the ocean bluer: cerulean, the trees are swirls of every hella freaking green on earth and bright thick eggy yellow is spilling over everything.Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
04UndatedBecause how could he have done this?How could he have chosen to leave me here all alone?Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
05UndatedHow could a mother who boils water for pasta leave two little girls behind?Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
06UndatedMom has a massive sunflower for a soul so big there's hardly any room in her for organs. Jude and me have one soul between us that we have to share: a tree with its leaves on fire. And Dad has a plate of maggots for his.Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
08UndatedReality is crushing. The world is a wrong-sized shoe. How can anyone stand it?Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
11UndatedI do not want to eat or drink, or i will lose the taste of you in my mouthJandy Nelson / quote ↗
12UndatedThere are people everywhere standing in line at the movies, buying curtains, walking dogs, while inside, their hearts are ripping to shreds.Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
13UndatedWhen I wear her clothes, I just feel safer, like she's whispering in my ear.Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
14UndatedI'm in self-imposed exile, cradled between split branches, in my favorite tree in the woods behind school. I've been coming here every day at lunch, hiding out until the bell rings, whittling words into the branches with my pen, allowing my heart to break in private.Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
16UndatedI drop on my back on the bed, panting and sweating. How will I survive this missing? How do others do it? People die all the time. Every day. Every hour. There are families all over the world staring at beds that are no longer slept in, shoes that are no longer worn. Families that no longer have to buy a particular cereal, a kind of shampoo. There are people everywhere standing in line at the movies, buying curtains, walking dogs, while inside, their hearts are ripping to shreds. For years. For their whole lives. I don't believe time heals. I don't want it to. If I heal, doesn't that mean I've accepted the world without her?Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
17UndatedThat's just how it is. Grief and love are conjoined, you don't get one without the other.Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
18UndatedFor days and days, the rain beat its fists on the roof of our house— evidence of the terrible mistake God had made. Each morning, when I woke I listened for the tireless pounding, looked at the drear through the window and was relieved that at least the sun had the decency to stay the hell away from us.Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
19UndatedI don't believe time heals. I don't want it to. If I heal, doesn't that mean I've accepted the world without her?Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
20UndatedSadness pulses out of us as we walk. I almost expect the trees to lower their branches when we pass, the stars to hand down some light. I breathe in the horsy scent of eucalyptus, the thick sugary pine, aware of each breath I take, how each one keeps me in the world a few seconds longer. I taste the sweetness of the summer air on my tongue and want to just gulp and gulp and gulp it into my body--this living, breathing, heart-beating body of mine.Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
21UndatedAs I walk through the redwood trees, my sneakers sopping up days of rain, I wonder why bereaved people even bother with mourning clothes, when grief itself provides such an unmistakable wardrobe.Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
22UndatedI don't know how this can be but it can: A painting is both exactly rhe same and entirely different every single time you look at it.Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
24UndatedMaybe a person is just made up of a lot of people," I say. "Maybe we're accumulating these new selves all the time.Jandy Nelson / quote ↗
