03Undateda group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be doneFred Allen / quote ↗
04UndatedIt is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.Fred Allen / quote ↗
06UndatedHollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.Fred Allen / quote ↗
07UndatedI have just returned from Boston it is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.Fred Allen / quote ↗
08UndatedMy father never raised his hand to any one of his children - except in self-defense.Fred Allen / quote ↗
13UndatedMy agent gets 10 percent of everything I get except the blinding headaches.Fred Allen / quote ↗
14UndatedThe first Sunday I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.Fred Allen / quote ↗
15UndatedThe American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.Fred Allen / quote ↗
16UndatedAn advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.Fred Allen / quote ↗
17UndatedMost of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.Fred Allen / quote ↗
19UndatedI learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.Fred Allen / quote ↗
20UndatedA celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.Fred Allen / quote ↗
21UndatedWe are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.Fred Allen / quote ↗
22UndatedI don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.Fred Allen / quote ↗
23UndatedThe first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.Fred Allen / quote ↗
